Freak Of The Week: July 21 - 27, 2008

This weeks Freak is the political pundit with a conservative view of the twisted political scene. His entries always make the judges round table discussion and this week he was able to come up with the winner. So this week my hat goes off to The Grit. Congrats Freak. Now on to my little ode to The Grit.

The Ballad of The Grit

Come and listen to a story of a man named The Grit

And if ya don’t like it I don’t give a shit.

Then one day he was looking at some long and hairy pubes

My bet is that he was grabbin’ for some lube.

(KY that is. Non-sticky. Warming gel.)

Well the first thing you know The Grits a Winning Freak

Jerked down his pants and down the block he streaked.

Cops pulled up and threw him in a van

Now he’s sittin’ in the county can.

(Jail that is. Three squares. Stained cot.)

Well now it’s time to say good-bye to a man they call The Grit.

Sorry that my contest got him into so much shit.

You’re all invited back again next week to this locality

To have a heapin’ helpin’ of our freakiousity.

(Freaks of the Week, that’s what we call ‘em now.

Nice Folks. Y’all come back now. Ya hear.)

Congrats again Grit on a job well done. Now go ahead all you freaks and friends, go on over and congratulate this weeks winning freak on a job well done. And just so you know it, you are all winning freaks in my eyes. Thanks once again for all of your great entries and good luck on next weeks contest.

The Ballad of the Grit is for parody purposes. No Neighbors were shocked in the production of this ballad.

Freak of The Week: July 14 - 20, 2008

This weeks Freak is the wonder of the comment box and one of the best purveyors of sick and twisted e-mails that I have ever had the pleasure to have known. I am proud to give him the limelight this week that he so richly deserves. Congratulations Anonypop, you are truly a Freak for all seasons. Now here my little ode to your brilliance.

For Anonypop

No one can send an e-mail quite like you

From Angel’s with Droopy Boobs to Jesus Pissing On His crew.

But you might have missed your calling as a Country Music Star

Traveling town to town at honkey tonks and bars

I am glad to know you and count you as a Friend and freak,

I have a simple piece of advice for I know of what I speak.

If Maureen is like my wife and you see the glitter in her eye,

Step quietly my friend or you will surely die.

Congratulations again Anonypop. You are truly a king among freaks. I encourage everyone to go and visit Anonymum and wish her words of encouragement. And click the pic to see it do it’s thing.  

Freak Of The Week: June 23 - 29, 2008

This week finds one of my favorite bloggers in the entire ’sphere finally getting the respect that she so richly deserves. Joebecca is a talented, vivacious, no-holds barred kind of a person. When she left her first blog, I was truly saddened and when she came back, she came back better than ever. So here is my ode to the wonderful woman from Tiny Whore’s Beer and Wieners.

For Joebecca

• I think I stepped on a beer can
• On the way to your URL
• And since I was barefooted
• I’m limping beat to hell
• So next time that I visit
• Please show no alarm
• If I’m wearing mandels
• To keep my feet from harm.

Thanks to everyone for playing along and please go visit this weeks winner and wish her congratulations. You will be glad that you did.

 

Freak of The Week: June 16-23, 2008

This week it is my pleasure to re-introduce Crazy Dan to the Blogosphere. He is a master commenter and has a foul and crude outlook that I applaud. So without farther adieu here is my little ode to a Funky Freak.

Crazy Ass Dan

Nasty, Crude, And frankly lewd

Sick, Twisted, and three quarters rude.

Give it hell you sick fuck.

I wish you lots of luck.

Crazy Dan can now be found posting on Smoke, Evyl, and Crazy Dan so head over and congratulate him.

Freak of the Week: June 9 - 15, 2008

This week’s wonderfully freaky Freak of the Week is the awesomely crafty and talented 2lazydogs. Congratulations darlin’ on a well deserved victory by answering five freaky questions, she pulled off an amazing victory against some formidable foes. Here are her answers:

1. What is your favorite smell?  The smell of sex in the morning.
2. What texture of fabric feels the best against your skin? The silk scarves that you tie me to the bed with, of course.
3. What song puts you in the mood for love? NIN “Only”
4. What do you look for when buying a pair of shoes? Sleek and sexy stilettos that invoke the mood, but can be kicked off quickly.
5. What would you choose for a superpower? Invulnerability

So here is my little ode to The Freak of the Week

For 2

Nifty Thrifty

Never shifty.

Feisty Friday Fun.

Of cats and dogs

and kids kissing hogs.

And random tales well spun.

Now go over and wish the winner congratulations on the sweet smell of victory.

Freak Of The Week: June 2 - 8, 2008

 

This week’s Freak of the Week is the talented blogger and illustrator, Michael Ferraro, aka Bronson Five due to his stunningly freaky caption. This marks the first time that a man freak has been able to pull down the big prize. Congrats. And now on with the ode.

City Pics

Fuck the Darkness

Screw the Gloom

Bright Shiny Colored

Pictures of Doom.

Now go over and wish Bronson Five congratulations on a well deserved honor. And also, my appreciation for the self-portrait. It adds an extra something that really shows that he deserves the victory this week.

Freak Of The Week: May 26 - June 1, 2008

This week’s winning freak is the incomparable Covert Lover. Her winning ability to spin a story that would make ones head spin vaulted her to victory. I created a modern fable and left out the ending and it was up to the challengers to provide the story with not only ending but also a modern moral. Her winning entry was simply incredible.

So now it is time for my little ode to The Covert Lover in Haiku.

The Covert Lover

Beneath the surface

Of her curvaceous beauty

Lies her wit and charm.

It is also a great pleasure to award her the victory this week due to the fact that it is Memorial Day. I am sure that her support of Tits for Troops puts a smile on many a soldiers face. I hope that everyone will go and visit The Covert Lover and congratulate her for a hard fought victory.

Freak Of The Week: May 19 - 25, 2008

 

This week the Winning Freak is the delightfully brilliant Trisha. The rules of the game were simple. I gave out three words and the contestants were to construct a sentence from them. Her entry showed originality and that certain indefinable something that makes a true Freak of the Week.

He squinted menacingly at me and said “get back in the yurt, bitch, and when I say ‘queef’ dammit, you’d better sound off!

And so now it is time for my little ode to the winner in Rondelet. Congrats Trisha!!!

For Trisha

Out on the farm

Like a deep breath of fresh spring air

Out on the farm

Where a queef will sound no alarm.

Dwells a maiden with golden hair.

Talkin’ Trash from her blogging lair.

Out on the farm.

I hope that everyone will go and visit Trisha and congratulate and get to know her. She is truly one of a kind.

Freak Of The Week: May 12 - 18, 2008

This weeks winning freak is the delightful, frank, fun, and brutally honest, Red. Her winning haiku exemplified the Evyl tradition of the Fuck You Haiku. With one part perversion, one part gross beauty, and a heaping helping of fun, she won out.  Congratulations Red!!!

For Red: The Freak of The Week

Brutally frank and honest to the core.

You say it all and make us beg for more.

From simple tales of a mother’s woes

To heated passages of passions throes.

From stories of gaseous emanations in the night,

To joyful posts of life’s simple delight.

I bid everyone to go see Red.

Good for the body and good for the head.

Freak Of The Week: May 5 - May 11, 2008

This Weeks Freak is the talented, vivacious, witty, and the wonder of the comment box, Anja. It was a close contest with many potential winners but Anja pulled off the victory by impressing the Blue Ribbon Freak Finding Panel of Judges by not only coming up with the word, ‘clamslammed’ but by giving that extra special glimpse into her life that brought tears of joy to their eyes. “And while I was sitting there, licking the dogs ass to get the nasty taste of cunt out of my mouth (not literally, you filthy fuckers) the word ‘clamslammed’ slipped into my head.”

 

So here’s a little sonnet describing my love for her and her blog.

Anja, Oh Anja from Rat in a Cage

With blinding wit and casual charm

You fill your blog with humor, lust, and rage.

And I find myself disarmed.

You live and blog from the Land Down Under

When I see day you see night.

It seems to me no small wonder

That your cursing brings me such delight.

Your humor like your template is dark and black

Yet your laughter rings through as clear as a bell.

And if I can venture one little crack.

Those that don’t like her can go straight to hell.

So I bid everyone to see Anja, the freak of the week.

Not for the timid, the humorless, or meek.